Are you sure your depression is in your brain?

I’m not. Actually I’m pretty sure that’s not where my depression started. I am quite positive that the encephalitis  – brain inflammation – had developed after several years of chronic gut inflammation. What if my irritable bowel/gastritis was stopped right after it started? What if I had known about celiac disease and stopped eating gluten not two, but ten years ago? My assumption is that I would not have developed brain inflammation then, I would not experience seeing the old women asking me to help them die, I would not feel the walls of my room closing in on me. There would be no primal fear, no encephalitis. Whatever has happened to me, happened, no point to dwell on the past, but I am writing for others, for whom such terrifying experiences may be prevented. It’s important to ask the question – are you sure your depression is only in your brain?

meds

Above is my combination of the psychiatric meds that I was given by my first psychiatrist. She never questioned the origins of my depression – to her it was all a chemical imbalance in my brain, therefore she combined SSRIs, antipsychotics, benzodiazapines, and she failed at treating me. She started treating me in November 2015 and in May 2016 I bought hibachi grills and drove away into a forest with the two grills and a bag of charcoal, police had to track me. In June I could no longer work and became unemployed. Clearly I did not improve in the six months that I was her patient.

I did not improve because I don’t just have some serotonin imbalance, I have autoimmune encephalitis – brain inflammation. I also was diagnosed previously with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and chronic gastritis – gut inflammation. Did one lead to another? I believe so. I believe my depression started in the gut and there is research to support this theory.

“Recently, studies have emerged focusing on variations in the microbiome and the effect on various CNS disorders, including, but not limited to anxiety, depressive disorders, schizophrenia, and autism.2,8,9 Therapeutic interventions to treat dysbiosis, or disturbance in the gut, and mitigate its effects on the GBA (gut-brain axis) are only recently coming to the forefront as more is known about this unique relationship. As a result, research has been done on the use of probiotics in treatment of anxiety and depression both as standalone therapy and as adjunct to commonly prescribed medications.”

“When the human microbiome is challenged with changes in diet, stress, or antibiotics, the physiology of the normal microbiome undergoes change. A dysbiotic state leads to increased intestinal permeability and allows contents such as bacterial metabolites and molecules as well as bacteria themselves to leak through the submucosa and into the systemic circulation, a phenomenon aptly named leaky gut syndrome. … Increased intestinal permeability leads to detrimental effects on the host immune system, which have been demonstrated in diseases such as inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), diabetes, asthma, and psychiatric disorders including depression, anxiety, and autism.2,4,10,34,35

“Depressive disorders are characterized by both neuroplastic, organizational changes, and neurochemical dysfunction.42 Illness is thought to begin when there is deregulation of these systems and can largely be attributed to cytokine release secondary to an exaggerated systemic response to stressors.39,41 Endotoxin infusions to healthy subjects with no history of depressive disorders triggered cytokine release and subsequent emergence of classical depressive symptoms. The study established a direct correlation between increased levels of IL-6 and TNF-a with symptoms of depression and anxiety,43 indicating that pro-inflammatory cytokines play a role in the development of anxiety and depression. These effects correlated with a state of chronic inflammation and altered immune cells in the peripheral blood. However, TNF-a administered to healthy subjects resulted in no depressive symptoms,38 suggesting that toxin induced inflammation caused the mood disturbance.”

Gut microbiota’s effect on mental health: The gut-brain axis

There has also been found a link between IBS and depression and recent studies are indicating that probiotics may help with both issues.

“For the new research, scientists from McMaster University in Canada recruited 44 adults with IBS as well as mild to moderate anxiety or depression. They were followed for 10 weeks; half took a daily dose of the probiotic Bifidobacterium longum, and half took a placebo. The probiotics were manufactured and provided by Nestle, which also funded the study. (Nestle was not involved in collection, analysis or interpretation of study data.)

After six weeks, twice as many people who took the probiotic had decreased depression scores compared to those who took the placebo: 64% versus 32%. Results were similar after 10 weeks, as well. When people in the study were given functional MRI scans, the researchers found that improved depression scores were associated with changes in activity of several brain areas involved in mood regulation.”

How Probiotics May Help Depression

If you are suffering from treatment resistant depression – you are not improving with the SSRIs/SNRIs/TCAs/MAOIs/NASSAs/etc., it’s important to ask yourself whether you are also suffering from any other conditions. If I had previously known all the information about the gut-brain axis, inflammation, and autoimmune diseases, it would be more evident to me that the cause of my psychiatric issues was likely gut inflammation. My severe depression started in 2015 but other health problems were starting long before that. I experienced dry and peeling skin since I was 11 years old and after the age of 12 I developed severe acne. When I was 17 I started having strong abdominal pain in the evenings. Sometimes the pain was so severe that I found it difficult to sit up. I also remember difficulties with falling asleep because as I lay down I would feel my stomach grumble and I could not relax. Later on more symptoms were added such as facial swelling, gastric pain, rapid weight gain, and brain fog. Then the depression and psychosis came. A coincidence ? Just a chemical imbalance unrelated to the other health issues? Clearly not and these symptoms were all related. They developed together as I continued to have a diet, unknowingly, that was terrible for me – pasta, bread, pizza, cheesecakes, and the symptoms declined together as I changed my diet, got treated with steroids, and started consuming fermented foods.

Now that I am equipped with all of this information I hope that I will continue to improve. I no longer have a feeling that it will only get worse and worse. I hope this will be useful to you as well and I hope I can help you feel happier again. There is more and more research now on other possible treatments for depression in addition to existing antidepressants, so I am optimistic that something will work for you, there are many things to try, don’t give up!

Yes, I am using this self-made incubator instead of Zoloft to treat depression

Here is my self-made incubator. It was constructed at home from several cheap and available components – a nice big Styrofoam cooler, a light bulb, a light bulb socket, a temperature controller, and some tape. That’s all, very simple. The cooler I got from Canadian Tire for about $14, light bulb, socket, and tape also from Canadian Tire. The temperature controller I purchased on Amazon for $35. What does the incubator do? The light bulb goes inside the cooler, so does the sensor from the controller. You close the lid and choose the desired temperature. The controller keeps the light bulb on until the chosen temperature is reached, then it turns it off. If the temperature drops, the light bulb is turned back on.

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How is any of this relevant to depression treatment? Well turns out that it is, and this incubator has been helping me a lot more than my previous trials of anti-depressants. I use the incubator to make fermented foods and research shows that eating probiotic foods can reduce chronic inflammation in the body and this in turn can reduce symptoms of depression. I have been making goat kefir, goat yougurt, sourdough, fermented fruits. I have also ordered a tempeh starter – spores of a specific mold, Rhizopus, that is used to ferment soy beans. I have also been buying natto (another type of fermented soy beans) in a Japanese store and eating it for breakfast.

It has been a bit more than a month since I started all this fermented food consumption and I think it has definitely improved my brain function in many ways. Correlation doesn’t mean causation, but I have noticed improvement in the way I think, the way I react to stressful events, my ability to sit down and spend time on meditation. I have rediscovered my interest in violin playing and my interest in the opposite sex. Last week I found my headphones because I wanted to listen to David Guetta in the subway on my way to work. Maybe that doesn’t sound like much, but if you’ve experienced severe depression and if you’ve seriously considered suicide, I think you would understand that this means progress. If you have experienced a state of mind in which your only desire was finding a way to end your life, then you know that going to a state where you have a desire for something else, anything else, is definitely an improvement.

I think therefore that constructing this incubator was the best decision this year so far. Last year the best decision that I made was pursuing immunosuppressant with intravenous steroids. I was treated with IV Solu-Medrol for five days in December and after that I saw my mind opening up. No, my depression did not vanish, but I started to have ideas, to be more proactive. Participating. I through of sharing my experience with autoimmune encephalitis, so I started a blog. I took the psychiatrist’s advice to do aerobic exercise in order to reduce brain inflammation. I researched further anti-inflammatory treatments and decided to build an incubator. I also became interested in helminthic therapy, so I learned how to use bitcoin and purchased some helminth larvae in order to infect myself. I don’t think this is all a coincidence, I think the steroids treatment did reduce inflammation that was there in my brain and some neural pathways opened up, more ideas started coming in. My tunnel vision became broader, the world became less black and white.

You can read my previous post about fermented foods and depression treatment here:

Bacteria, yeast, stinky tofu, desire?

My case of severe depression and improvement after immunotherapy is another piece of evidence supporting the idea that depression and suicidal thoughts are not always just caused by imbalance of serotonin, but inflammation can also play an important role.

Recently researchers at the University of Manchester conducted a study measuring level of inflammation in the brains of patients with clinical depression. “Dr. Talbot and colleagues measured the levels of translocator protein (TSPO) in the brains of people diagnosed with major depressive disorder. TSPO generally plays a role in the immune response system and cell death.

In the brain, elevated TSPO levels activate the microglia, which are immune cells specific to this organ. Microglial activation indicates brain inflammation, so this is what the scientists targeted.

People with depression who were experiencing suicidal thoughts were found to exhibit significantly higher levels of TSPO, associated with microglial activation and indicating inflammation of the brain.

Depression: Is brain inflammation tied to suicidal thoughts?

I was suffering from treatment resistant depression, but now I believe that it is not resistant, the treatment was just incorrect. I was put on mirtazapine, bupropion, risperidone, sertraline, multiple combinations of antidepressants and antipsychotics were tried. Well none of those combinations worked, but today I am still alive. I cannot thank my psychiatrist who continued to treat me with the same medications just in different doses and mixes, but I am thankful to all the researchers, journalists, and bloggers, who have written on the topic of the link between inflammation, suicidality, and depression. I am very thankful for Susannah Cahalan for her book “Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness” about her terrifying experience with anti-NMDA receptor encephalitis. I think, maybe not in the average psychiatrist’s office, but in general there has been progress in understanding the impact of our diet, lifestyle, and chronic inflammatory conditions, on mental health. Diet matters, exercising matters, so does our gut microbiome, blood glucose levels, inflammatory markers. All of this cannot be fixed by just taking Zoloft or Prozac and I believe that is why many people don’t get better on antidepressants. They are not treatment resistant, the right treatment is available, it just hasn’t been applied.

Helminthic therapy – hello parasites!

So today is day five since I infected myself with parasites. With seven larvae of Necator americanus, a species of hookworm, to be exact. I have never heard of helminthic therapy or helminths until about a month ago, then I was sent a link to a Facebook group by a girl from adult PANDAS/PANS disease support group. Supporters of helminthic therapy have put a lot of effort and created a great wiki section with all the necessary information, you can find it here:

Introduction to helminthic therapy

The idea behind helminthic therapy is based on the same theory as probiotics for depression and autoimmune conditions. With the onset of industrialization we started living in more sanitary conditions, we stopped drinking unpasteurized milk, we no longer spend time with cattle, we don’t milk cows with our bare hands. Well all of this had many benefits – childhood mortality rates decreased dramatically, a lot of children actually used to die from infections obtained while drinking raw milk. Especially given that there were no refrigerators, often by the time the milk got to your house, it would be already somewhat spoiled. There are consequences through of this reduction of contact with bacteria. It seems that there has been depletion in the gut microbiome and decrease in its diversity. We have also lost our macro-biotics – helminths. Helminths are intestinal worms and humans have usually lived their whole life infected with them. People still do in less developed countries, but it’s rare that someone in US or Canada would have these parasites.

Helminthic therapy is experimental, there is no concrete proof that it will help, but the statistics based on user experiences show that 75% of users experienced reduction in their symptoms. Helminthic therapy is also safe because the parasite species that are sold for therapy are not able to reproduce within the human host. Therefore if you infected yourself with ten parasites, you will not end up with thirty in two weeks, then fifty, etc.You will continue to co-habit with the ten worms, if they all survive. Also from what I’ve read, it’s quite easy to get rid of the parasites if you want to, by taking anthelmintic medication.

How can helminths help?

The therapy works by inoculating yourself with larvae either by swallowing it or through skin contact, depending on the species. I chose to get infected with Necator americanus (NA), a species of hookworm, these get to the human intestines  through skin contact. Like all organisms, helminths want to feed and survive. They attach themselves to the walls of the intestines and drink human blood. NA are very tiny, about 1 cm, therefore the amount of blood that you loose given a small number of worms is insignificant. The little guys want to survive and stay in the intestine, they like it there, so they put effort into not being kicked out from the body by your immune system. The exact mechanisms of what helminths do to survive is not yet known, but possibly they excrete some molecules that train the immune system to not react to them. They tweak the immune system to be less active and this seems to be beneficial. In general users found that their immune system worked as well as before in terms of fighting dangerous viruses and bacteria, but their autoimmune symptoms lessened. That is the exactly the outcome that I wish for from any therapy for my autoimmune condition, therefore I was sold on trying this experimental therapy.

Case studies

One parasite immunologist, P’ng Loke, has observed some case studies with human patients and found beneficial results from helminthic therapy. “The results of Loke’s new case study—the most recent of only five studies that investigate helminthic therapy in people instead of animals—suggest that helminths may ease the symptoms of autoimmune diseases by increasing mucus production.

Helminths could suppress immune disorders by promoting healthy mucus production in the intestine

You can read more personal stories on helminthic therapy wiki:

Helminthic therapy personal stories

Is it scary?

Not for me. Scary is doing nothing about my depression, thinking that it will never get better. Scary was imagining that the method with charcoal grills isn’t going to fully work and that I would end but brain damaged but still alive. Experimental therapy is hope, it’s exiting. I think I have already gotten quite far by not accepting my psychiatrist’s statement that my choices were either a state of psychosis or continuing being on anti-psychotics. I experimented with the autoimmune protocol diet, I received treatment with intra-venous steroids – not a standard treatment for depression. I built an incubator and started making fermented foods. The experiments were not randomly chosen, I have read multiple articles and came to a conclusion that these were the most promising methods for reducing inflammation. It did pay off, so I am all for further experimental therapy. I have started a blog this year, I got back to playing my violin. I am less terrified of staying home alone. I have more interest in things, just as I used to – not constantly thinking “what is the point of living”, but able to do something and enjoy it. Being able to simply watch a documentary on YouTube and be interested in it is already great progress for me. So I am all for experimentation, I am against staying in the same depressed spot.

Industrialization, autoimmune diseases, and depression

I used to think that I was in control of my own mind, but it’s clearly not the case. I don’t choose how to feel and how to emotionally respond to situations, just as I don’t choose when to feel hungry. I don’t choose my thoughts as well. I don’t know which thought is going to come next, it’s just going to pop up in my conscious mind and I will observe it, I will react to it. Someone recently told me that all the choice that we have in life is the direction of our view. We don’t choose our emotions, we don’t choose our thoughts, we don’t choose the environment around us, we can only turn our head and change the view, and observe.

That’s why doctors prescribe antidepressants – people don’t choose to be depressed and they can’t just “think their way out of it”. And sometimes antidepressants help, maybe for some people depression is just a lack of serotonin and SSRIs fix that imbalance. The chemical imbalance theory is not 100% confirmed, some scientists debate whether this is a cause of depression at all, perhaps antidepressants help some people not by increasing serotonin, but by decreasing inflammation. Autoimmune diseases are what can cause chronic inflammation.  This is when “the immune system prompts white blood cells to attack nearby healthy tissues and organs, setting up a chronic inflammatory process”. Turns out the brain can be affected by this process as well. “People who had been treated for a severe infection were 62% more likely to have developed a mood disorder than those who never had one. An autoimmune disease increased the risk by 45%. Multiple infections or the combination of severe infection and an autoimmune disease boosted the odds of developing depression, bipolar disorder, or another mood disorder even further.”

Infection, autoimmune disease linked to depression

Next I am going to speculate and talk about the possible causes of rising incidence of autoimmune disease. I am going to mention the idea that the lifestyle that we obtained through industrialization turned out to be pro-inflammatory. I am not proposing to go back to living in a village, but I want to propose making practical lifestyle changes that can help reduce chronic inflammation and in turn depression.

We are participating in less physical activity and are gaining higher body weight

One result of industrialization is we are eating more sugar, moving less, and weighting more. “How could carrying extra weight and sofa-sitting be connected to higher levels of inflammatory chemicals in the body and the development of diabetes?

Researchers discovered that excess body fat, especially in the abdomen, causes continuous (chronic), low levels of abnormal inflammation that alters insulin’s action and contributes to the disease.

The body becomes less sensitive to insulin and the resulting insulin resistance also leads to inflammation. A vicious cycle can result, with more inflammation causing more insulin resistance and vice versa. Blood sugar levels creep higher and higher, eventually resulting in type 2 diabetes.

Are Diabetes and Inflammation Connected?

We are eating high glycemic foods

We are eating more processed and high glycemic foods. The bread that people used to eat when they lived in villages was usually not the white bread from refined flour, it was sourdough, which has more nutrients, and a low glycemic index. I doubt anyone used to eat pasta, pizza, or fries often, if at all. I know that in peasant Russia there was fermented cabbage, sourdough rye bread, barley, and broth, sometimes meat and fish. Also fermented milk products. None of those foods have a high glycemic index.

According to Harvard researchers, healthy, middle-aged women who ate the meals with the lowest glycemic load had the lowest levels of C-reactive protein, a marker of inflammation in the body.

In overweight women who had greater levels of C-reactive protein to begin with, eating higher amounts of low glycemic index foods had an even greater impact on their inflammatory markers.

The Link between Glycemic Index, Diabetes, Inflammation and Heart Disease

We are eating fewer fermented foods

How often do you drink kefir or yougurt, eat kimchi or sauerkraut? Do you eat natto or fermented bean curd? Tempeh? Sourdough bread? Cassava fufu? If the answer is pretty often, I would say that’s good, but many people in US and Canada rarely eat fermented foods. Maybe sometimes yougurt, but it’s questionable whether store bought yougurt has live probiotics. Previously people ate fermented foods more often. They didn’t really have much choice since refrigerators weren’t available. Milk goes bad pretty quickly, so you need to make it into kefir or yougurt. In winter you don’t have fresh vegetables, you have fermented vegetables in jars that you prepared during the summer. Same with fruits. There have been several papers recently linking fermented foods to mental health, here is what is stated in one of them: “The extent to which traditional dietary items may mitigate inflammation and oxidative stress may be controlled, at least to some degree, by microbiota. It is our contention that properly controlled fermentation may often amplify the specific nutrient and phytochemical content of foods, the ultimate value of which may associated with mental health; furthermore, we also argue that the microbes (for example, Lactobacillus and Bifidobacteriaspecies) associated with fermented foods may also influence brain health via direct and indirect pathways.

Fermented foods, microbiota, and mental health: ancient practice meets nutritional psychiatry

We have lost our “old friends”

One of recent theories is that the rise in autoimmune disorders could be due to our gut microbiome depletion. With sanitary toilets, pasteurized milk, less time with animals (urban citizens rarely hang out with farm animals, neither do they milk cows, and now few even have pets due to smaller apartment sizes), we have lost many microbes and parasites that used to inhabit our gut. Turns out this might not be a good thing. It could be that because we as species cohabited with these organisms for so long, our immune system evolved to train on these parasites, and now we are lacking this training. “Diminished exposure to immunoregulation-inducing Old Friends in the perinatal period may enhance the consequences of psychosocial stressors, which induce increased levels of inflammatory mediators, modulate the microbiota and increase the risk for developing all known psychiatric conditions. In later life, the detrimental effects of psychosocial stressors may be exaggerated when the stress occurs against a background of reduced immunoregulation, so that more inflammation (and therefore more psychiatric symptoms) result from any given level of psychosocial stress. This interaction between immunoregulatory deficits and psychosocial stressors may lead to reduced stress resilience in modern urban communities.

Microbial ‘Old Friends’, immunoregulation and stress resilience

Do we need to move back to the village? Or to a cave?

Well I’m hopeful that I won’t have to, because my job is in downtown Toronto, and it would be hard to commute there from a remote village. I hope that given the recent research, we can use this information to improve our immune system function, while still living in a city. We can cook more food at home instead of buying processed food. I rarely buy anything at the food court during the work day, I bring everything from home. I am also making fermented foods – kefir, yougurt, sourdough bread, kombucha. I also purchased some at Asian grocery stores – they have fermented bean curd, natto, fermented Chinese cabbage.

In terms of moving around, I try not to sit at my desk at work for too long. I get up to make tea, go for a walk during lunch. Walk to the subway in the morning instead of taking the streetcar. Walk home after work with a friend. Gym I personally found very boring, but I do exercise at home with an aerobic step. Doctors suggest at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise a day, heart rate needs to go up!

In terms of bringing back “old friends” – this can partly be done by consuming probiotic and prebiotic foods to increase gut microbiome diversity. There are also soil bacteria that are considered beneficial, we can obtain them by spending time near soil and breathing in the particles. Having a dog is stated to have beneficial effects on our gut microbiome. There is also experimental helminthic therapy – infecting yourself with parasites on purpose. I am planning on trying this therapy and I will write more on this topic later on.

Bacteria, yeast, stinky tofu, desire?

It has been now about three weeks that I started experimenting with kefir and fermented foods. I’ve been drinking kefir almost every day. Fermenting it every two days in a two-liter jar. I can easily drink one liter a day. I also made yougurt, using store-bought yougurt as a starter. Kefir and yougurt both from goat milk, as I mentioned previously – I don’t tolerate cow milk. What does it mean not tolerate? Well it gives me bad thoughts. Thoughts about people dying, about the meaninglessness of life. I don’t want those thoughts. Yes, correlation doesn’t mean causation, but I have this observed this increase in the intensity of negative thoughts after consuming milk so many times that it’s definitely worth it avoiding it. Also there are studies suggesting that there is a link between casein and immune response. Immune response could mean brain inflammation, it could mean psychosis. That is what I observe.

“Multiple studies have documented immune activation in individuals with schizophrenia. One antigen capable of inducing a prolonged immune response is bovine casein derived from ingested milk products. Increased levels of casein antibodies have been found in individuals with schizophrenia after diagnosis.”

Association between bovine casein antibody and new onset schizophrenia among US military personnel

So I have been consuming homemade kefir and yougurt. Currently brewing kombucha in a jar on my kitchen counter. I have also made a jar of probiotic apples and fermented a mango with yeast. I purchased an active dried yeast supplement, saccharomyces boulardii. I am trying to include all sorts of probiotics, yeasts too, not only bacteria. Bacteria and yeast are both single-celled organisms, both have cytoplasm and a membrane surrounded by a cell wall – that is what Google says. Yeast cells have a nucleus, while bacterial cells do not. Certain types of bacteria and yeast can survive in the human gut. There has been some research, and saccharomyces boulardii is supposedly one of those yeasts. It has been found to benefit patients with gastrointestinal diseases, it might improve the gut microflora. I took it in capsules that it is provided in, as well as opened one capsule into my mango jar and let it stand for two days. The taste has come out quite strong, but I don’t think it has gone bad, I did not get any stomach ache after consuming the fermented mango. Was not great for my taste buds, I might try adding some honey next time for fermentation, but my combination of consuming yeasts and bacteria from kefir, yougurt, kombucha, and fermented foods, I think had a positive effect on my mind.

One change that occurred was after two weeks of daily kefir consumption. I suddenly had a desire to play my violin, which I haven’t touched in six years. Ever since moving to Waterloo for grad school in 2012 and later on becoming depressed, I have abandoned my violin practice. After I was already out of school and had free time after work, I just had no desire to play. All music was emotionally painful for me. Also I felt that it was pointless  – I started learning at 19 years of age, that it top late, I thought, I would never learn to play well. Therefore the violin had been abandoned and was lying silently in its case at my parents’ house.

Last week though, when the desire to play occurred,  I did not have any of these doubting thoughts such as what is the point of playing,  would I be able to learn. I just wanted to play again and that is what I did. And that is beautiful,  this experience of undoubting desire, this is something that depression completely takes away from you. Depression is not wanting things that are part of this world, not enjoying them, having no desire. Only the wish for your experience in this world yo end. So was that occurrence a coincidence? I don’t think so. I don’t think desire suddenly appears after six years of absence without any chemical changes. I think the bacteria and the yeast in kefir had something to do with it.

“It’s been known for some time that one’s gastrointestinal tract functions in essence as one’s “second brain”, lined with hundreds of millions of neurons. In fact, the gut manufactures more dopamine and serotonin, important neurotransmitters that powerfully influence mood and motivation, than does the “head” brain.”

A Gut Feeling: Probiotics and Changes in Brain Activity

On Sunday there was a second event. I have to mentioned that ever since I got severely depressed, I gradually lost desire for anything. Playing violin was one of activities that I stopped. I stopped reading for please. Stopped writing in my livejournal. Everything seemed pointless, all activities fruitless. We are all going to die anyways and become nothing. I think last time I had my own idea was in summer of 2015 – I was very frustrated with Toronto’s public transit system and I decided to make an electric longboard. I succeed and it actually still works. After that I don’t remember pursuing any interests, my days were overwhelmed with feelings of intense fear, loneliness, sadness. Probably my brain inflammation intensified at that time, that is when I first got involuntarily hospitalized in a psychiatric unit. So having something to be exited about, a longing for an activity – I find that a dramatic improvement. No desire for me means no interest in life, desire is willingness to live.

The event then was that I suddenly found someone attractive. That hasn’t happened to me in years. Depression is loss of all pleasures. A loss of pleasure in reading, in traveling, in sex – in whatever you used to do. Attraction is the opposite,  attraction is desire. So yes, for me it was a big deal. It felt like waking up from darkness.

Probiotics, biome restoration, could it helps with psychiatric issues?

Of course I am hoping that it could. As I have written in my previous posts, I went through a lot of conventional psychiatric treatments with no success. Mirtazapine, Olanzapine, Wellbutrin, Latuda, Cymbalta, Sertraline… you name an antidepressant or an antipsychotic, and I probably tried it. Also benzodiazapines – Lorazepam and Clonazepam. Dangerous little pills, doctors themselves say that you should not be taking benzos for longer than two weeks. Later on, after being diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Encephalitis, I was treated with IV Solu-Medrol and oral prednisone – glucocorticoids for suppressing the immune system. This was in December and I think I am better now, but I cannot say that I have no unwanted or obsessive thoughts. Since the treatment, and selecting that I eat very carefully, my physical symptoms did reduce, these thoughts are the main thing that tortures me. I could not stay on prednisone as it can itself cause psychosis and I experienced violent mood swings, migraines, and severe insomnia. For this reason I continue to look for ways to improve my brain. Or is it my stomach? I am more inclined to think that my main brain is in my stomach, given how sensitive my mood is to ingredients that I eat.

I have experimented a lot with probiotics, but did not find benefits from capsules. Maybe they don’t contain enough organisms or not many of them end up alive in the gut? My gastroenterologist recommended Align brand,  but the capsules contain casein from cow’s milk. I did try it for a while, but did not notice any improvements. After feeling somewhat better since receiving the steroid treatment, I decided to let go of the strict AIP diet and to introduce some foods. I had a craving for black tea with milk and yogurt, so I thought that maybe dairy is what I need. In fact I found it quite difficult to get enough calcium on AIP diet, probably I was lacking some. AIP followers do advise that you can obtain calcium from fish bones and kale, but you would really need to eat large amounts of very salty canned salmon or a whole salad bowl of steamed kale. I found it to be not feasible in practice. Also I have not tried goat milk before so there was no evidence that I would have an adverse reaction to it. I did not find that I do after consuming it. I have been adding goat milk to black tea and I actually found that this way the tea was smoother and felt less acidic, drinking black tea on its own often caused me gastric pain. I have started buying goat and sheep yogurt, turns out it’s now available in plain form at many stores in Toronto. In general, since adding the milk and the yogurt, I have experienced less frequent gastric problems. I have only experienced gastric pain when I ate a lot of bacon (maybe that was too much saturated fat at once?), and when I took naproxen. Gastric/stomach discomfort is a common side effect of naproxen, but unfortunately taking it during my period is unavoidable for me.

I have found several studies indicating positive benefits of goat milk, which also adds a benefit for me when drinking it, even if only a placebo effect.

Anxiety behavior is reduced, and physical growth is improved in the progeny of rat dams that consumed lipids from goat milk

Anti-inflammatory and anti-allergic properties of donkey’s and goat’s milk

I have been reading on the idea that human gut biome depletion could be causing many diseases, included neuropsychiatric ones. With the invention of clean water, sewage systems, hygiene practices, the rate of infections has been greatly reduced in developed countries, but it also led to lower diversity of bacteria and parasites in our intestines. The theory states that we evolved to co-live with these organisms and part of the rise in the number of autoimmune diseases in developed world could be caused by this gut biome depletion. In terms of restoring the biome, fermented milk and vegetable products are advised. There is also an experimental helminthic therapy, but I will post about that later. Kefir is said to be a fermented product that contains a great diversity of bacteria, more than yogurt.

What’s the difference between yogurt and kefir?

About three weeks ago I purchased live kefir grains on Kijiji for $5 and this was a great investment. Making kefir is even easier than buying kefir, it really doesn’t require much action. Place kefir grains into a clean glass jar. Pour milk over the grains, leave one inch at the top. Cover the jar with a coffee filter and tighten with an elastic. Leave it at room temperature for 24 hours and there you go, you’ve got kefir. Then you strain out the grains and drink the resulting liquid, repeat the process.

“The evidence for probiotics alleviating depressive symptoms is compelling but additional double-blind randomized control trials in clinical populations are warranted to further assess efficacy.”

The effects of probiotics on depressive symptoms in humans: a systematic review

How do I feel after three weeks? I think I am calmer. I am hoping this is more than a temporary placebo effect and that there are actually material changes. A few days ago I had a sudden desire to pick up my violin again, which I haven’t touched in years. At the most acute stages of encephalitis I could not stand hearing any music, it all would cause me a feeling of unbearable nostalgia and grief. Since the steroids treatment I have gotten back to creating playlists for workouts and now I even wanted to play music again. That feels like waking up from the dead. I vividly remember a day in the fall of 2015. At that point I had already quit my PhD and I was trying to apply for jobs, sitting in Starbucks. I tried to focus on sending out my resume, but I became overwhelmed with a feeling of grief. It was as if all sounds coming out from the speakers in the corner were trying to cause me pain on purpose, they were reminding me of someone who died, each note was screaming at me. I couldn’t stand it, I packed my laptop and left home. That was when I started to think that I really wanted to die.

I am at Starbucks now again, two and a half years later. I am typing this on my laptop and music is playing from the speakers, as usual. Right now I don’t have a sudden urge to run out, the sounds are not unbearable. I think my brain is healing, knowing that healing is possible gives me a lot of hope.